Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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