Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
splinters make it hard to masturbate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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