i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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