She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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