Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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