it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
