My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
