hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
