I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
