you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
