I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
