Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
