I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
