she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
