Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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