your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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