You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
