maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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