I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
