no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
