its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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