so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
