My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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