Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
