I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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