I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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