this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
