so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
