I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
