You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
