Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
