Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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