captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
