i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
