is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
