my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
