Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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