Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
