The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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