I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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