Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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