Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
