You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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