I'm gonna have a badass scar
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
