Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
