8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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