i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
