So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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