and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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