if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
