can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
