So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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