So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
